A Little Catch Up

I've been posting these "flayed cliches" on Facebook for a few weeks now, and they were becoming popular enough that I decided it was time I start putting them into a blog where they would be preserved and more easy to follow.  This first post is a collection of the posts I have already created on Facebook.  Enjoy!!!


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August 27, 2010: I don't understand what all the fuss about world peas is. There are more than enough peas on Earth to go around. I really would think that there are more important things to worry about than peas.

August 18, 2010: Someone once told me I need to think outside the box. And you know what? They were right. It's a lot easier to think when you're not crammed up inside a dark box.

August 19, 2010: People often tell me that I should change my tune. Fortunately, this is fairly easy to do as I am tone deaf.

August 20, 2010: Someone once told me I should turn over a new leaf. I took their advice and I got stung by the scorpion that was hiding underneath the leaf. This is why I now pay for gardening services.

August 21, 2010: Someone once told me that I could have knocked her over with a feather. I tested her on this theory, and she was right. I felt really bad about this. Fortunately, Calista Flockhart is a very forgiving person.

August 22, 2010: Someone once told me that I made them laugh so hard that they busted a gut. I rushed them to the Emergency Room. For some reason, the doctors were not amused...

August 23, 2010: Someone once told me that I was thinking with the wrong head. I apologized and informed them that I'd forgotten my other head in my other pants' pocket.

August 24, 2010: Someone once told me that it was time to pay the piper. You would not believe how hard it is to find a piper in this day and age. And he looked kinda funny at me as I was trying to throw money at him, but he did take it in the end.

August 25, 2010: Back in college, a friend once told me that we were going to "tie one on tonight." He never really specified what were were going to tie or what we were going to tie it to, so I brought a lot of extra rope, just to be safe. For some reason, he laughed at me when I showed up...

August 26, 2010: A friend in college came to me crying one time. She told me that she had caught her boyfriend with his hand in the cookie jar. I pointed out that, technically speaking, it wasn't a jar. For some reason, this made her more upset...

August 27, 2010: A neighbor once told me that I needed to stop beating around the bush, so I really don't understand why he got so upset when I started wacking his junipers with my baseball bat...

August 28, 2010: Somebody once told me that he had a bone to pick with me. I looked at him for a second, shrugged, and said, "I'll be right back." When I came back a few minutes later with my Amateur Archaeology Accoutrements Kit, he looked at me for a second, laughed and said, "Never mind, you're alright after all," and walked away...

August 29, 2010: Somebody once told me that I better be not just whistling Dixie. A) I hadn't been whistling anything at the time, 2) I don't really know the tune to Dixie, and III) I'm rather tone-def, so I just looked at him oddly and started whistling "The Camptown Races" at him. For some reason, this seemed to annoy him, as he stomped off in a huff...must have been due to my aforementioned affliction of Tonality Impairment...

August 30, 2010: Back in college, my roommate told me that he needed to get seriously plastered that night, so I never really understood why he got so upset at me for covering him in papier mache...

August 31, 2010: Somebody once told me that I needed to stop and smell the roses. I took his suggestion, and got stung on the nose by a bee that was inside the rose I was smelling.

September 1, 2010: Somebody once told me that I ought to blaze a new trail. I thought it was an odd suggestion, but I still don't understand why he got mad when I followed his instructions and set fire to the woods outside his house...

September 2, 2010: Somebody once told me that I was only adding fuel to the fire. This left me rather confused, as there wasn't any fire going at that time...so I started one. Somehow, this only made him angrier...