People Who Live in Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Stones

People often say that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, but not very many people live in glass houses, so saying that is kind of silly.  It makes more sense to say that people who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glass, because you could end up stepping on the broken glass and have to go to the emergency room and get stitches.

Come Again?

One time, when I was giving a presentation in class, one of my classmates interrupted me and asked me to come again.  I told him that was entirely inappropriate, not to mention extremely rude as it showed that he was not at all paying any attention to my lecture.  Some people only have one-track minds.

Cold Turkey

Somebody once told me that the reason he was crabby was because he was quitting smoking cold turkey.  I told him that I didn't realize that one could smoke a turkey, and that I wasn't sure how one would keep the turkey cold after lighting it.  Also, that just sounds like a good recipe for food poisoning.  Some people have very strange vices.

Cold Feet

One time, I was the best man for my cousin's wedding.  The night before the wedding, he told me that he thought he was getting cold feet.  I told him that Caroline, the maid of honor, had some warm, fuzzy socks that would probably help with that, and so I sent him to borrow some from her.  For some reason, neither he nor Caroline showed up at the wedding the next day.  Some people aren't very good at keeping appointments.

Close Shave

Back in elementary school, a friend told me that he'd had a close shave when he almost got caught going up the wrong side of the slide by the principal.  I told him that A) he was WAY too young to be shaving, 2) the slide only had two sides, so if he couldn't figure out which one was the right one, that was pretty sad, and III) if he was shaving WHILE going on the slide (and on the wrong side, at that), then he really was just asking for a trip to the emergency room.  Some kids aren't very bright.

Clip Your Wings

Back when I was a youngin', my father told me that if I didn't start behaving, he was going to clip my wings.  I told him that was a silly threat to make, seeing as if I had wings I'd be able to fly out of reach of him so he wouldn't be able to clip them.  He grounded me for a week.  Some parents aren't very good at being proven wrong.

Clean as a Whistle

Somebody once told me that his apartment was as clean as a whistle.  I told him that couldn't be very clean, since people put their mouths on whistles, and the mouth is supposedly one of the dirtiest areas of the human body.  Some people are just plain messy.