A Hard Nut to Crack

Back in high school, a friend told me that our upcoming math test was going to be a tough nut to crack. I pointed out that it actually most likely wouldn't be that hard to crack, as it was more than likely no more than a few pages, so it would be a fairly simple matter just to rip the paper - but then he probably would have a hard time at getting a good grade if he were to do that. Some people just aren't very good at taking tests.

Hanging by a Thread

A former boss once told me that I should be careful, because I was hanging by a thread. I told him that it was better to be hanging by a thread than some other form of more substantial rope, since a string of thread would be quite likely to break if someone tried to hang you with it. Some people aren't very good at threats.

Hang In There

One time, when I was going through something of a rough period, someone told me to hang in there. I told him that I wasn't that depressed, and even if I were, hanging really wouldn't be my preferred mode of departure from this plane of existence. Some people are really terrible at counseling those who are feeling a little down.

Handle With Kid Gloves

One time, a co-worker warned me that talking to our boss about a pay raise should be handled with kid gloves. I told my co-worker that if our boss was into that kind of thing, someone really should report him to the authorities. Some people will do anything to get a raise.

Gum up the Works

Back when we were kids, I broke my Evil Twin's latest mind control device, and Kram told our mother that I had gummed up the works. I told her that there was no gum, or Twizzlers, or candy corn, or any other kind of candy involved in the destruction of the device, just our porch, the ground, and gravity. She grounded us both anyway (Kram for trying to enslave the human race, and me for breaking his toy). Some parents aren't very good at understanding the difference between physics and candy.

Green Thumb

Somebody once told me that her uncle, a botanist, had a real green thumb. I told her that he should really get that looked at, because if his thumb has turned green that can't be a good sign, as it is probably infected or something. Some people aren't very good at recognizing signs of health problems.

Gravy Train

A friend in high school once told me that her weekend babysitting job was a real gravy train. I told her that it seemed to me like babysitting gravy would be a pretty boring job, regardless of whether it was on a train, on a plain, or even in the rain. Some people will do anything for money.